There is a Time (and a purpose)

Time.  It is my best friend and my worst enemy.

There is never enough of it. The time that we do have goes by at lightening speed the older we get. (Why is that, by the way?)

After an interesting year last year, I have reflected a fair amount on how I spend my time.  I guess the wording is more like, "what time of my life is this?"

My dear friend lost her husband last year and she was left with three small kids. These words kept plopping themselves in front of me over and over.  Take a read. I am sure that you've heard (or sung) them before.

There is an appointed time for everything.  And there is a time for every event under heaven ~

A time to give birth, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted. 

       A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to tear down, and a time to build up.

       A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance.

       A time to throw stones, and a time to gather stones;

       A time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing.

       A time to search, and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep, and a time to throw away.

A time to tear apart, and a time to sew together; A time to be silent, and a time to speak.

A time to love, and a time to hate; A time for war, and a time for peace.

I realize that I may be interpreting loosely, but I was hit with the thought that these words were like a road map. Yes, it's OK to search now, but there will be a time when it is OK to give up.

Yes, now is the time for mourning, but someday there will be a time to dance again.  Yes, it is OK to keep some things but it is also OK to throw away.

As I've thought about her this year, I've paralleled this to my own life a little bit. I don't mean to compare my life's journey with hers, but I have been hit with a few "a-ha" moments.

Right now, I am a mom and it is time to grow roots, build up, embrace, teach, love, taxi drive and nurture.  I struggle though, very much, with all of the "should dos."

I should be organizing my closet, I should be working in my office, I should be getting some new clients and growing my business, I should be cleaning out the attic, I should be preparing gourmet dinners for my family every night, I should be exercising more, I should be putting together a detailed financial plan and budgeting spreadsheet.

All of these "should dos" take a mental toll on me, mostly affecting the REAL thing that I should be doing, and that is consciously enjoying every minute with these boys instead of worrying about all the things I'm not doing. Does this make sense?  Is it just me?

Just as my dear friend might feel like she "should be" healing, it is not time for her to heal yet.  When the mourning is done, then there will be time for something else. For now though, she needs to be at peace with where she is, and that is purposeful. The present is purposeful.

On a smaller scale, I have found that I often am not at peace with where I am, because I am too focused on hurrying to move on.  But what do we miss by giving in to the "should dos"?  

The past week, I have made a conscious effort to put all of the things out of my head that weren't going to get done anyway, no matter how much I thought, worried, obsessed and agonized over them.  Turns out, I'm pretty good at blocking these "should dos" out.  The result?  I truly enjoyed my time with the boys that much more.  Why?  I think because I was present.

So, I've decided, this is the chapter of life of nurturing and having a messy closet. The next chapter will be nurturing and still having a messy closet.

If you come to my house, just don't look in my closet.

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