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From A Young Victim to A Survivor: The Changed Life

My story, how I became a survivor, forgiving my attacker, and the importance of reporting.

I was sexually assaulted February 18th and early 19th of 2011. I was at a friend's birthday party when my ride home left without me. When the party came to an end I was extremely intoxicated. A guy had come up to me asking if I needed a ride home and that he was giving two other girls a ride home. My attacker dropped them off at home first. He then started forcing me to do horrific things. I still get chills to this day from him saying "gag b**** gag" over and over again. He then raped me at the Walnut Creek BART station.

The pain, suffering, crying out, shock, and so many more horrific emotions were running through me. After death-threatening tones and demands, I decided to take a chance for my life. He had done several horrific things to me that night that will be engraved in my mind forever. 

I was treated hours after waiting to have a rape kit done. Every minute seemed like an hour passing by. I wanted to die that night and for awhile after. I was truly lucky to have such great investigators working on my case. They caught him the next night in Monterey, where they believe he was on the run after a friend mentioned the police were looking for him. I had hair missing in the back of my head, bruises that covered my body, and every symptom of PTSD, which is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I had hit rock bottom. The aftermath was terrifying and extremely painful. 

After a few months of being prescribed sleeping, depression and nausea pills I started healing little by little, but was extremely suicidal. I had seen threats and death threats from his friends. I was being discriminated against by people saying that "I deserved it" or that I was "asking for it," because I was probably wearing something provocative. I was wearing skinny jeans, a hooded sweatshirt and boots that night. Nothing provocative about my outfit, but if my outfit was provocative it doesn't give anyone the right to sexually assault me. Clothing does not give consent. I am ashamed that someone could ever say someone deserved to be raped or was asking for it. Leaving the victim feeling as if it was his or her fault. It is NEVER the victim's fault, but society seems to act like it is.

My attacker asked for a plea deal. He was originally charged with five felony counts. Yet his original plea deal contained 3 years, 1 charge, and registry for life. He would have only served about a year. The charge was not an original charge, and it wasn't a rape charge. I was crying that day and very depressed. Did you know that he was going to get the same amount of prison time as someone who sells marijuana? What he did to me that night will be embedded in my mind forever.

I was told that I could write a letter to the Judge to try and change her mind and for her to overturn the District Attorney's Office. Well, I read my letter and fought, so. 

After my letter I was in tears. I was told by family members that it looked like the Judge was crying or very close to it. She told me my words moved her. I then realized that I was no longer his victim, I was then was a survivor. I faced my biggest fear that day. I had also come to the realization that if I could move someone with my words, make someone cry or close to it, and be heard from someone of such high authority in court that I could do something with my voice. I could help others and possibly change the world. I will conclude with this much detail about what happened. I am writing a book on my story and don't want to give out too much information.

I am about to say something that I said to myself I could never do, but I need to do this for me. Sam Nesis, I know you will hear about this from someone so I want to forgive you for all that you did and put me through. What you did to me that night will never leave me, but I must forgive so I can move on. What you did to me will not control my life. I am not your victim nor am I your anything. I am a survivor and will continue to be a survivor. That is all I have to say.

Some information you should know. If you are sexually assaulted, know someone who has or is being sexually assaulted, or know someone who sexually assaults, somebody report it to police authority immediately. It is a difficult process to go through, but you will be helping yourself and the possible future victims from that one attacker. Don't let him/her control your life. Survive it, because I know you can. We survivors are the living proof that you can come back from it. I highly recomend counseling as well. It will help you in healing even if you think it won't.

Reporting is an extreme part in ending sexual violence. It is said that out of every 100 rapes: 46 get reported, 12 lead to an arrest, 9 get prosecuted, 5 lead to a felony conviction, 3 rapists will spend even a single day in prison. The other 97 will walk free and into OUR communities. Someone is sexually assaulted every two minutes in America. We have the power together to stop this. We can put our differences aside and become united as one! 

I am 15, almost 16 years old. I am trying to change the world, but in order to do so I need supporters. I want everyone to be able to live in a safe world. I have a huge passion and motivation to do this forever and help others. I will always be here trying to make the change. You can find more info and such on our Facebook page. You can also support other pages such as: Create Social Change, RAINN, BAWAR and many other organizations. The world is in OUR hands and it is OUR job to make the much needed changes. Let's save millions and prevent millions from being sexually assaulted. I will blog later to tell you more info, how you can help and such. I hope this post has inspired you to get up and do something!

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Michael July 01, 2012 at 05:07 PM
“Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.” The Fact that a young women produced a sexual assault story on a public forum to be acknowledged by locals is absolutely disgusting. How can someone write a story about a sexually aggressive man when every man age 16-25 is sexually aggressive and in their sexual prime. lets not even mention the fact that this severely underaged girl was intoxicated because we know damn well this "birthday party" was not held by one of her peers; but by someone much older. if you go out of your way to retrieve an invitation to go get intoxicated then at what point do you acknowledge the illicit substances that you consumed(it was not consumed socially it was consumed for the soul reason of being intoxicated). If this were to happen to a women outside of arguably the most materialistic town in the country (danville proportionally spends more money on clothing then any other town nationwide) then this story would not only never of been produced but possibly not even acknowledged by the justice system. Please thank your parents for spending so much money just to out you in a "safe" town. Don't thank them by getting intoxicated with an obviously older crowd of peers and putting yourself in harms way.
eric July 27, 2012 at 12:52 AM
I'm a male on male survivor its been hard for me but I try Nd stay strong I have a daughter any ideas how I can cope ? And live a happy natural life any feed back Will be awsome ....machoprieto1@gmail.com
Mike Bateman April 23, 2013 at 08:33 PM
sam nesis was my friend and was a great guy this girl ruined his life becuase she knew she would get attention if she was a rape victim, this girl desired attention and and ruined sams life to get it. She willingly had sex with sam but because of an arguement she decided to act like sam raped her, it didnt happen she just wants attention, and wow she is writing a book? more attention... sam is the victim here. Stay stong sammy i love you and I am so sorry this girl decided to ruin your life
MIke Bateman April 23, 2013 at 08:34 PM
sam nesis was my friend and was a great guy this girl ruined his life becuase she knew she would get attention if she was a rape victim, this girl desired attention and and ruined sams life to get it. She willingly had sex with sam but because of an arguement she decided to act like sam raped her, it didnt happen she just wants attention, and wow she is writing a book? more attention... sam is the victim here. Stay stong sammy i love you and I am so sorry this girl decided to ruin your life
MIke Bateman April 23, 2013 at 08:35 PM
sam nesis was my friend and was a great guy this girl ruined his life becuase she knew she would get attention if she was a rape victim, this girl desired attention and and ruined sams life to get it. She willingly had sex with sam but because of an arguement she decided to act like sam raped her, it didnt happen she just wants attention, and wow she is writing a book? more attention... sam is the victim here. Stay stong sammy i love you and I am so sorry this girl decided to ruin your life

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