When did your children begin using technology? How did it start? Was it intentional or accidental?

Things are so sped up these days, it seems like we are virtually handing our newborns the iPhone we just filmed their birth with.

When should a child become a full-fledged digital citizen? When should concerns about their virtual life become a part of our day-to-day life?

When Hilary DeCesare visited with a room full of mothers of young children, many of whom had babies in their arms, at Mothers Together at Community Presbyterian Church this week, it may have seemed a little early to talk about the subject of social media safety and kids.

But DeCesare immediately dispelled that notion when she began her talk by saying she was happy to speak to a room filled with moms with very young children specifically.

“You get it,” she said, adding that often she is asked to speak to parents of children who are between 8 and 12 years old about how to manage their digital footprint.

By that time, if it's not too late to reverse the tide of harmful habits that may have already formed, it can certainly present hard battles for many families, she told the room. Start now, she urged.

DeCesare speaks from her experience and expertise. 

Not only is she a mother of a 10 year-old and twin 14-year-olds, but she is also the chief operating officer of Everloop, a Danville-based social media company designed for kids under 13. (We profiled the company earlier this week; click here to read the story.)

DeCesare, who has educated kids and adults about Internet safety since the mid 2000s, said that for today’s parents, tending to a child’s digital life is a responsibility, not a choice, and it starts early, whether they want it to or not.

DeCesare has built her company on the assumption that kids will become involved with technology sooner rather than later. It operates with the mission that kids should be equipped to do so safely.

During question and answer and discussion time after the talk, moms wrestled with how much technology access to allow their children, and when.

Many had to ask themselves uncomfortable questions about how much technology their children were already exposed to, and how intentional they were about managing it. They had to consider how much they themselves were perhaps tethered to technology, or how unaware of technology they might be, and how their use of technology impacts their children.

As mothers, when presented with an activity that could potentially cause harm to your child, the impulse often is to restrict it, or simply remove the choice all together.

But, as DeCesare pointed out, technological innovations such as those championed by the late Steve Jobs, has made that all but impossible to do.

She also pointed out that often when it is restricted, kids will find a way to get to it.

One point that pushed some uncomfortable buttons was whether or not to allow a child to have a digital device or participate in social networking at a young age because most of their peers already do, specifically because not having them would cause other kids to potentially tease or exclude them.

This week in Parent Chat, we’re asking for your take on this issue.

Should kids be allowed to take on their digital lives early? Will not allowing it stigmatize a child, and should that be a factor of consideration?